I’ve been living with my boyfriend for the last six years, but we’ve been together for 10 years. We are in our 40s and have just learned how to be happy in each other’s company. We get along well, and at the moment we both are satisfied with the status quo, that is, we have no plans to get married.
I pay $ 2,200 a month in mortgage and utilities, and he helps me with $ 500 in cash and purchases groceries for our home. He was also able to drive me to work and saved me transportation costs. I have been working from home for the past year, although I will probably return to the office in September.
Sometimes I want him to contribute more to our expenses, but he doesn’t agree, because the apartment is in my name. I bought it before we moved together, and although he lives here, he doesn’t think it’s completely his home. I can’t stop wondering if I am acting unfairly? Does he support me enough when it comes to our expenses?
“Sometimes I want him to contribute more to our expenses, but he doesn’t feel that he should because the apartment is in my name.”
We don’t always agree when it comes to financial matters. Hence, we do not consider marriage and we protect our assets. Since we met, he has told me that he plans to retire to the Caribbean and how he will build a business there that will allow him to retire comfortably in a tropical paradise.
Well, he feels like he’s ready to start working on that dream now that he has saved up enough money. I have never been thrilled to invest my money abroad, and although he invited me to join him in this venture, I refused. Although I trust him, I am afraid of losing money if something happens to him.
After all, we are not even married, and therefore his immediate beneficiaries are his children from his first marriage. He just asked me for a $ 20,000 loan so that he has sufficient leverage without borrowing from the bank. I feel uncomfortable doing this without any guarantee or share in the project.
“He never really insisted that I become a co-owner, which seemed strange to me.”
I didn’t want to join him in his venture and, yes, I didn’t want to get married. He never really insisted that I become a co-owner, which seemed strange to me. Of course, I can join him in retirement, but it will be his property, which makes me think that it is for this reason that he did not seriously propose to marry.
I have a funny feeling that he is waiting to become the sole owner of his business, and only after that he proposes to marry, so that in the event of a divorce, his property should not be divided as public property. Yet I also feel that I am not supporting enough, and my decision could hurt our relationship.
How can I approach his request so as not to harm him and our relationship? Twenty thousand dollars is a lot of money even in New York, and I’m not rich. He did offer to pay $ 3,000 at interest when the time comes to pay it back, but I still don’t really like the idea.
So many doubts
Don’t lend him $ 20,000. Chances are, you will never see this money again, even if you both signed a notarized loan agreement. His promise to pay $ 3,000 in interest seems empty, and it’s just another sign of his false bravado and misplaced self-confidence. He is not ready to start working on his business.
First, the only reason he thinks he’s ready is because he pays you a paltry amount of money to cover your living expenses. You pay mortgages, utilities, property taxes, and in return he gives you $ 500 and saves you money on gas by driving you to work. Give this man the Nobel Peace Prize!
Secondly, he is not ready to fulfill his dream if he has to borrow $ 20,000 from his girlfriend – the very woman who allowed him to save this money, primarily because he lives in her house on the cheap. If Gaul were an Olympic sport, he would have won a gold medal!
“His ambitious plans run counter to his ability to be financially independent.”
Third, his ambitious plans run counter to his ability to be financially independent. If he does not think that this apartment is his home, he can buy himself a house. Is he moving to the Caribbean and retiring after you’ve effectively helped pay his wages for many years? And do you want to relocate to the Caribbean? Did he even ask you?
Here’s an imaginary Moneyist letter from someone who might sound eerily familiar: “How do I tell my 10-year-old girlfriend that I only want to give her $ 500 for her monthly expenses so she can live in her house and borrow $ 20,000 to could I save? for my future – without hurting her feelings? “
Let’s talk about your feelings, not his feelings. Imagine this was your boyfriend’s suggestion on your first date at dinner: “I’ll contribute less than a quarter of your living expenses, and you give me a down payment on my business so I can retire in the Caribbean. Waiter, I’ll eat the steak. She will have gazpacho! ”
Don’t wait for this freeloader to offer to marry. Consider this scenario carefully. How will this improve your life? Maybe you are happy with the status quo, or maybe – just maybe – you get more if the tenant pays $ 1,500 a week and dates men who don’t treat their relationships like ATMs.
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