I had a relationship with my partner, a man, for about 10 years. We are both in our fifties and I am financially stable.
Before moving in together about four years ago, we signed a legal document – the Unmarried Cohabitation Agreement (NMCA). What belongs to him and what is mine is mine. He is in charge of his children (from two ex-wives to 20 and older).
Before moving together, I also suggested that we move into my 2,000 square foot home (worth $ 300,000 and paid in full).
When we met, he had been renting an apartment for seven years. Six years ago, he bought a beautiful home for $ 600,000 (partly influenced by his children). The two houses were within 10 miles of each other (same school district).
He wants me to pay half the mortgage, half the utility bills, and so on — about $ 2,300 a month. I refuse to pay more.
“About a month ago, half of my products went 21 extra times in one month.”
Earlier at the NMCA, we agreed that I would pay him $ 1,000 a month plus half of the groceries. The amount is more than my previous living expenses and bills. I do more than my share of the housework – his place.
About a month ago, half of my grocery went into 21 extra mouths in one month (his “local” college-educated adult who stayed here for three nights, as well as their friends and almost weekly visits from someone on his side). I have no children and my family is 600 miles away and I rarely go or visit.
Three months ago, he demanded that I pay more. I was paying about $ 250 more per month. He now paints the entire interior of the house (3,200 square feet).
Two years ago, he bought his then 18-year-old son a used truck for $ 45,000 and horse… He won’t tell me how much, but I guess it’s between $ 15,000 and $ 25,000. He is expecting his grandson in about six months. It will be more money.
He works from home and may retire in a year or two. I used to work from home and retired a year ago.
“His children will get a share in the house, but first it will have to be sold. His children cannot afford this place. ”
About two years ago, he was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. Today he feels very well and is healthy. I fully understand that there are only two known days for all of us, yesterday and today, and we need to embrace the here and now.
I am interested in this if I receive half of the home equity. The house is probably worth $ 800,000 today. The NMCA states that I am not getting anything. I agree with that.
I also told him that I would buy a house. He refused and mentioned a couple of times: “You will never be the owner of this house. My children will get a home if I die. “
Well, his children will get a share in the house, but first it will have to be sold. His children cannot afford this place.
Is it worth paying more? Where does it stop? He pointed out to me a couple of times that if I didn’t pay more, I should pack my bags and live in the camper I have. The NMCA states that 30 days written notice is required for departure.
Life in Tennessee
Is it live?
Is this a peer-to-peer partnership or arrangement where you pay rent and help him become a homeowner and pay a portion of his rent? Who’s really going to lose if you move out? What if you did it? You would come back to life in your home, without any resentment or temptation to count all the money he spends on himself and his family, and he will probably get a tenant in your place.
If he is going to receive guests on a regular basis, he must pay for them. In the end, it all adds up. But this letter is much more about dividing the bill for groceries and gifts that he decides to buy for his children. You signed the agreement, and everything he does with his money is his business. The fact that you are obsessed with his other expenses tells me that you have lost perspective more broadly.
“You can estimate the price for the horse he bought, or you can price your happiness instead.”
This is the only question you need to answer correctly: are you happy? Because it doesn’t sound like you, and it doesn’t sound like a respectful or considerate partner to you or anyone else from what you said. However, what worries me is that you want in this life. You can choose to be the person who fights over grocery bills and puts up with unkind words, or you can choose someone else.
You can be anyone. You can be the person who looks at this relationship from the outside and witnesses how it turned into a business relationship in which you can help him pay off his mortgage, pay more than your fair share of bills, and end up getting something. what you need. , exactly? Poisonous communication with ultimatums? Don’t put a price on the horse. Instead, put a price on your happiness.
You have your own home. If you want another one, buy it yourself. You don’t need his house and you have enough money to live your life the way you want. Seriously, who does this guy think he is? But, more importantly, who does he think you are? You do not what human. If you were, you would not have written this letter. Think what kind of summer – what kind of life – you can have.
This 30 day notice period has never looked so good.
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