I lost everything, but I started over and bought a house. My boyfriend wants to pay off my mortgage and split the proceeds

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I am 43 years old and I finally got out of my own financial hell. When I was in my early 20s, I dated for over ten years a man who promised me peace and did not fulfill any of his promises. Based on these promises, I bought and financed many things for us, such as cars, furniture and excursions on credit. I also gave a lot of money – money that I really didn’t have – to family and friends.

All these bad decisions resulted in me eventually having to file for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. I lost everything and I had to start over. My boyfriend and I broke up. Family and friends did not come to my aid. Since then, I have changed my financial habits. I no longer believe in buying real estate with guys, I don’t lend money, and I don’t do business with family or friends.

By saving money and staying on a reasonable budget, I was able to buy my first home two years later. I began to make a significant contribution to retirement and invest in my future. A year ago I sold my house and bought a duplex with a profit. I live in one apartment and rent another. My plan was to use the property to subsidize my retirement income.


“When I was in my early 20s, I dated for over ten years a man who promised me peace, but did not fulfill any of his promises.”

My dilemma is that I am meeting a new person. He earns more than me, and we have a different way of life. He demands luxury in everything he does. He rents an apartment in a wealthy neighborhood, spends regularly on expensive meals, and doesn’t believe in budgeting. After two months of meeting, he confessed his love to me and invited me to come and live with him.

He doesn’t like where my duplex is and he pushes me to sell it. I stuck to my rules: don’t do business with guys. I have not asked this person for anything financially and do not complain to him about my finances or living conditions. My property has grown by over $ 200,000 in market value since I bought it.

Fast forward to today: my new boyfriend is offering to pay off my mortgage and split the proceeds from the sale, and then buy individual properties elsewhere. I really like this guy, but the red flags are starting to grow. I am afraid that I will be pursued by scammers. Should we consider such a proposal?

Ready to answer

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Dear Ready,

Beware of love bombers.

Consider this scenario: Let’s say you paid $ 500,000 and now it’s worth $ 700,000, with $ 250,000 left on the mortgage. Your boyfriend pays $ 250,000, you sell for more than the asking price, and each gets about $ 350,000 after taxes. Your boyfriend is making a $ 150,000 profit. You leave with $ 350,000, but you don’t have a home.

His proposal is based on the assumption that you buy separate homes, get married one day, and combine your assets. That’s a lot of “if” You can sell now and walk away with $ 450,000. But why do this? You are happy where you live. The best part is that your boyfriend doesn’t like the place where you live? He doesn’t have to live there.

He professes his love as well as offers to lend money to help you pay off your mortgage, and walks away with a net profit from your hard work. This is provided that he does not plan to leave with this party. Isn’t it great that you don’t need anything from him? This house belongs to you. Don’t do anything to jeopardize it.


The best part is that your boyfriend doesn’t like your place of residence? He doesn’t have to live there.

You have worked hard to get back on your feet, and you should be very proud of what you have achieved. It took tenacity, patience, endurance and humility to admit your past mistakes and vow never to repeat them. You are right if you look back to the past to convey information to the present.

Another character appears with dollar signs in his eyes and a thirst for opportunity. He’s exactly on command. I believe that we often experience the same adversity over and over again if we have not learned what we should have learned. Your lesson: Don’t put other people’s needs ahead of your own.


Your boyfriend has what you want: love and affection. You have what he wants: a home with own capital.

Ask yourself what you’ve gotten out of your relationship with these friendly friends. Their time? Now you can enjoy life on your own terms. Their flattery and approval? Enough for you. You’ve proven that true self-worth and a sense of integrity begins at home. Feeling that you are needed? You need you.

Your boyfriend has what you want: companionship, love, affection. You have what he wants: a home with own capital. I’m sure your friends and family – those who admire your newfound independence – are cheering you on and can’t wait to see what you do next. Choose independence over codependency.

The commitment you made – like the proverbial cloak from childhood – is reversible. Don’t buy property with a boyfriend or sell your property with a boyfriend. You have gone too far for this. If you need money in the future, you always have the option to sell your duplex.

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